Memoirs
by Baliansword
Summary: Everyone needs to remember their first time, including Alexander. Yet sometimes, even the memories don't help you feel better about the present. A short, yet sad, one shot.


Title: "Memoirs"

Author: Baliansword

Type: ONE SHOT

Rating: T for Teen

Summary: Everyone has to remember their first time, including Alexander. However, sometimes you remember things you should have remembered long ago, instead of when you do.

A/N: All reviews are completely welcome as long as they are not flaming. If you want to make a suggestion do so politely. If you want to be nice, I encourage you. Anything is better than nothing though. WARNING—This is kind of pulls tears for some people.

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He remained there, unmoving, his cheek warm from the dampness of sweat lingering on the chiton. It was quiet, so dreadfully quiet even though outside the life of the city continued. The sun was shining yet not into the room. The heavy drapes took care of the rays that would threaten his eyes that had not seen the light for a good four days. It would remain as such, him just lying there, his breathing slow. Perhaps in his mind he thought that if he lay there long enough things would change. Perhaps if he lay there long enough he would soon be aware of the same quiet that haunted him at the moment. He didn't want to feel anymore, didn't want to see, just wanted to remain as if had been long ago.

Next thing he knew he was standing there, facing Hephaestion, who turned the page in the book again. He continued to read, his voice almost faint, yet stronger than all others. Alexander stepped closer then sat down on the end of the bed. He continued to listen for a few minutes before he lay back. As Hephaestion read he looked up at the ceiling, which he'd seen a thousand times before, yet with Hephaestion in the room everything seemed more beautiful. Turning his head, he watched Hephaestion read, his lips moving as if controlled by the wind. Alexander found himself smiling. He then reached out, wrapping his fingers around Hephaestion's wrist, pulling down so that the book was lowered. Cerulean eyes met with his, a boring brown compared to the seas that stared back at him.

"Don't go on," Alexander said. He let go of Hephaestion's wrist and then lay back on the bed. Hephaestion immediately closed the book and set it down on a dresser close to the bed. He then moved, lying beside Alexander, also staring up at the ceiling. Both were silent for a moment before Alexander glanced again at Hephaestion.

"Phae," he whispered, then said nothing at all. Hephaestion turned, staring at Alexander. There were no words to be spoken. Instead, Alexander slowly pushed himself up on an elbow, then leaned over Hephaestion. He traced with his fingers Hephaestion's jawline, and then, he leaned lower. Craning his neck, his lips met Hephaestion's.

He closed his eyes and let himself feel it. He felt Hephaestion's hands, lightly caressing his skin, felt him tremble as he began to pull his chiton away from him. Each breath that Hephaestion let out, lingered over Alexander's skin, bringing even more heat to both of them. At first it was awkward, their kisses uneasy as if they were unsure of one another. Yet as they continued, the hands caressing, breaths lingering, loins aching, it all came together. He kept his eyes tightly closed, remembering it, tears suddenly burning his eyes.

As he gasped, eyes opening, the tears began to fall. He cried for a moment, but did not move, just lay there. Then, he pushed himself up on an elbow. He let the tears fall, and the ones that didn't land on the sheets or on skin, they managed to touch his lips. They were salty, burning his cracked lips, parched from the lack of water. Reaching out, he ran a hand over Hephaestion's jawline as he had then.

He was different now. The years had aged him, yet not terribly. His skin wasn't as smooth, stubble on the skin that used to be so soft. He was no longer as pale, but the sun had been kind to him, for he was a perfect tan. Alexander ran his hand over each crevice, each inch of skin once more, just incase he'd missed something. He then pulled a lock of brown hair, oily now, and pushed it away from his beloved's face.

"Oh Hephaestion," he whispered, before placing a kiss against his lips. He stared down at him once more before finally taking in a breath. It was time. It took all of the energy that he had left to rise from the bed. He went to the door, walking slower than he had in his entire life. Many would have thought that he looked as if he were in a trance. Next thing he knew, he was pulling the door open, tears still filling his eyes to the brim. Upon opening the door he saw faces, hollow now to him, staring back at him. He cleared his throat.

"Prepare the body," he said weakly. He glanced once more over his shoulder, seeing Hephaestion still on the bed. It had been four days. He was not going to wake up. The gods were not going to breathe life into him again. He was gone.

Alexander continued to stare at him. Hephaestion was gone. Slowly he began to sink to the ground. It repeated over and over again in his mind. Hephaestion was gone. Finally he broke down in tears. He did not care who saw. It didn't matter. Hephaestion was gone.

And so was he.

ENFIN


End file.
